[edit] i just remembered something someone said to me once 'would ET give a fuck?' ET wouldn't (: i love ET (& SC) [/edit]

there is a reason why i love screw so much. actually many reasons. my whole bookshelf is now covered with post-it notes from ming & mel. and when i look at them, and i think of all that ming, rach & cass have said, its not worth it. not worth it to let it affect me. haha. i think my ability to let go of things has improved (: heart pain, heart swell, heart burst. all in one day. haha, now missing one talk with stef :p

i am done with this. finished. i just hope it won't affect other things.

i'm waiting for you to come to uk. having you here, will make everything feel so much more at ease. a feeling of familarity, safety & warmth i so crave.

oh it feels good to be back (: though i've been spending most of my time in my room. but just getting to see abit of london from my window, feeling the cool air, being able to ring angela whenever makes mugging alot less painful. haha.

random things i love about london

- if i want get my drink chilled, i just put it by e window for awhile and it'll get all cold! haha.

- there's always someone awake in my hall. usually its angela. but its 5am now, and sabrina is still awake. i can hear her in the doorway. haha.

- i have my very own space that i can lock anyone out whenever i want (or lock myself in) haha.

- fish and chips just behind my dorm :p its hongmin & my post-night-out-partying food. haha

please don't translate this out :p if you get it, you get it. if you don't, then you don't. rachel might want to ask cass for help but yeah (; hahaha. might not be very accurate. but wth.

wo yi zhi yi lai dou jue de wo xing de zhen, zuo de wen. wo cong lai mei you bei yi ge ren zhi yang wu ru guo, er dang wo shou dao na xie jian xun shi, wo zhen de shi xia le yi tiao. di yi ge fan ying shi wo xiang ku, di er ge fan ying shi ru guo zhi zhong ren neng shuo chu zhi zhong hua, zhi ge peng you bu yao ye suan. jian xun de du xing, de hen xin, de can ren, wo shi cong lai mei jing li guo. wei le bi zi er zhi yang shang hai yi ge ren, geng he kuang shi peng you, wo zhen de dui ta tai shi wang le. wo jing nian da ying wo zi ji, ying wei zai lun dun mei yo ne me duo ren hui xiang dao bao hu wo de ren, suo yi wo yao zi ji bao hu zi ji, dui zi ji hao yi dian. ni zhen de tai guo fen, tai bei bi le. wo zai ye bu yao le.

that was good to get out. i think i need to a) get another blog, b) lock this one up.

on a happier note: HAPPY BIRTHDAY CUI (: happy birthday sam! hahaha. must say happy birthday to your dual personalities! hope you have a great year ahead dear!

[edit] god i'm so happy angela's back in e dorm (((: that girl makes my world i tell you. we were just standing at my door yapping for almost 2 hours 0_o hahaha. she made me feel so much better. heh. now there's someone to talk to at 5am again. yay! though i'm the mummy and she's my baby, sometimes she's the one protecting me. [/edit]

i love kaylene & angie mucho

stunned

self-control & willpower. i'm relatively happy with mine. haha. temptations. everywhere. seeing people give in to temptations around me all the time.. reminds me of easily i can fall into the many potholes.

people like screw, interdependent & mel make me want to be a better person.

endless work. endless musings. sighs

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOYCE!

SIGHS ): my daughter's all grown up alr. hahaha. but i'm really glad you had such a lovely surprise cui (((: haha. it was priceless (to put it in the words of your lame father). i'm happy you're happy! hehee. yay! we win! actually the planning of e surprise wasn't tt much of a hassle, it was the getting me to leave my house part -.- haha. happy birthday in advance love (((:

cui/sam pre surprise.

cui/sam post surprise :p ahahaha. got the damn 0_0 look.

me & mrs jones makes me want to burst out in cynical laughter. hah. the irony.

i must say ____ fills me with a mixture of admiration/fear/disbelief/disgust/a warped form of respect.

i haven't left my dorm in 3 days. wow. hahaha. yesterday was the first time i took the lift in 2 days. goodness 0_o and after all this self-imposed imprisonment, i should have gotten more work done damnit.

need less distractions -.- my pretty jap anime boys on my comp are bloody bad enough. but oh so pretty (((: hahaha.

but even though i'm constantly whining about having to study. i'm actually really happy (well not about the studying), but just the fact i'm here in london. i'm grateful & thankful everyday for the chance to be where i am now, to breathe in the cool air, to live everyday to the fullest, to seek that freedom & wild abandon i've been searching for years. the time of living is now. and i am so happy to be here

GOD. WHY WHY WHY MUST THEY TALK IN THE CORRIDOR FOR GOD'S SAKE -.- its fucking noisy. gah. thank god i'm on dinner break. if i start studying & they're still talking i'll scream.

hmms. everyone has their addictions. its funny how the simplest things can be akin to a drug. and what we do to fulfil those cravings. to get that permanent shot.

my head's pounding. it seems that recently all i get are headaches -.- maybe its my brain protesting to e studying. not like i've done much though. HAH.

i've never really thought someone could sound so much like a braying donkey till i met that girl. bloody hell. seriously.

i think the worst feeling in the world is betrayal. its a combination of almost every bad feeling there is.

look how far we've come. so many years now. it feels like just yesterday. i don't know if its with relief or sadness or acceptance, but i can no longer see that fairytale ending. maybe its cynicism. haha. but i don't want, don't like to think of it that way. i still believe in happily ever after. (e other part to this line just popped into my head. hahaha.) but yes. like what jer told me. i need to believe in the good things in life, its just the dreamer in me. i will never be down to earth & practical. that's just me. take it or leave it (: maybe its just our paths have diverged abit now, but who knows. maybe it'll converge again one day. and maybe then i can get the ending i want. if its meant to be, it'll be eh.

3 more chapters before i get to sleep -.- tonight's looking to be a looong night. and i keep watching anime. BADBADBAD.

i really agree with chongs about being able to breathe, really breathe here in london. to not give a shit about what others to think. to not care so much about appearances. you learn to live for yourself. and not for others.

haha. random musings always pop up when i'm mugging. ah wells. that does mean i'm not really mugging -.- sheesh. OK. BYE

only in london will you get spring, summer & winter all in one day -.- first started with a light shower this morning when i woke up. which was lovely. everything was nice & cool. then e sun came out & it was actually gorgeous outside. so i sat by e window with e curtains open & did some productive mugging. ahaha. then it started pouring, which turned into a mixutre of hail, rain & snow. WIN :p i was bouncing about happily in my room. and now its all hot & clear skies again 0_o amazing i tell you.

i'm really enjoying spring and the cool cool air. its great to be back.

i'm seriously gonna miss my dorm when i move out.

nothing makes me happier these days than these two phrases:

heart swell

heart burst

days, hours & moments that bring about those two keeps me going everyday

jiayou my loves for the bloody exams!

i must be the only person to wake up to grey skies with a smile on my face (((: hahahaha. this is what london should be like. grey, cold and rainy. this is what i came here for. sheesh.

i don't really understand why, but i seem to be able to read you like a book. its very disconcerting. and yet at the same time, i'm beginning to see things alot more clearly. i'm tired of always being left behind. just cos i'm not told of things, doesn't make me unaware of them. i'm tired of being treated like a fool. i don't see why i should let myself be in this kinda situations anymore. i don't think i'm capable of being whatever you all are. and i'm really happy that i'm not.

this time going home. so many happy days & nights. especially seeing how much you've grown stronger (: i like. alot. i thought it would have to take a few more years and all the shit to make you like this, much less be the person i know you can be. but you've taken the first few steps there. and when you said somethings, it just made me happier than anything you could have given me. that was the best present from you ever. and it makes me feel that maybe all that i've given to you have not been in vain. haha. i look to the future. with great hope & anticipation (:

i've been obsessing over anime lately :p esp this one: kyo kara maou. ahahaha. discovered it on animax & i've been hooked ever since. anime boys are just so pretty :D human boys just can't compare -.- sighs. sad. ahahaha. makes me want to go back to japan even more though. hehee.

ohh. & i watched this movie on e plane: sky of love. omg. i love i love ((((: heheee. had me bawling like a mad idiot -.- please watch! i'm in one my japanese craze phase again. heh. i'm going to take up jap again next yr. whee. haha. the boy in the movie is so cute :D hehe. just tt e fact he's born in 1990 is slightly 0_o god. i'm older than him. this is terribly scary. like i'm so used to thinking of actors as older than me -.- GAH.

hello pretty boy (:

yipeng. ahaha, there's a secret behind his XD smile

lydia (: outside mos.

jie & i at ps cafe.


jie & i in my car by the kallang riverside. haha

ziying & suefaye at island creamery. yumyum. my two sunshine girls (:

ahaha. horse-riding at vivocity. screw-style :p stef & seto

GUITAR HEROESSSSSS! i want more rachel! MORE MORE MORE. haha.

steffish-weffy :D


mingkie-poo

nintendo wii boxing. smirks.

with anwar at mambo. haha.

ahahaha. drunk boy & mark.

yangmeh, michelle, tag & alison.


e lse girls (:


gorgeous sunset from my dad's car :D hehe.

my mini 3S gethering. heibaibai :p smirks.

suefaye darling ((((: ahahaha. interesting night eh (;

botanical gardens late at night (:


the pond-ish stage where we had our midnight picnic.

birthday girl!

seto! i have asian boy shirt toooo (:

mingkie-poo. by candlelight.

rach in her demure positioin. whahaha. i have proof!


happy birthday ming (:

with 20 doughnuts to show our love.

MING!

LOVES


SCREW :D


-.- i cannot hope for anything better. hahaha.

robatayaki (: brought kaleni there. yumyum.

house at dempsey. he brought me there.


kaleni (: with no hair. heheheee.


deb & i at marmalade pantry. FURTHER AWAY BETTER :p


ziying at tramp comp!

monkey no1: noee


monkey no2: nat


one of e rj boys in e middle of his routine. barani i think. haha.


b div tramp team missing mel & wanchee ):

kaikai.


wenxin & juee!


wanchee at pepper lunch. ahaha


bea & amy at toast. i miss my dancers ):

yipeng with his oh-so-cool shades (rolls eyes)

gosh its really warm here in london. well not spore type of hot. but warm by london standards. but still really pleasant (: just that my room is abit too warm for my liking now -.- ah wells. went out grocery shopping just now with shimoni (: hahaha. i absolutely love doing grocery shopping here.

the flight back yesterday was horrendous. somehow caught a fever during e flight. so i was all cold, shivering & ache-y. then threw up in e toilet -.- mighty gross. so i'm feeling all sick, miserable & grumpy right now. not in e mood to really enjoy e weather. though i actually wish it'd be colder, so my room would be cooler. ah wells.

its the start of studying season now. once i recover from this darn fever. annoying. i'm happy to be back in london though (: hahaha. i was super happy to come back to my room. when i look at many ppl dorm rooms, i'm actually super proud of what i did with mine (: how i did it up. hahaha. ok pictures soon! sleep now.

tmr i say goodbye to my sunny island and hello to lovely london again for two months (((: this month has been absolutely lovely. alot of love & tlc. which made everything go away & put alot of things in perspective. haha. so now its back to my lovely grey london to mug -.- which is actually very sad.

i'm looking at it and i'm so incredibly pleased (: heheee.

i did it ((((((((((: ahahaha. i still can't quite believe i did it. but i said i would and hence i did. and i'm incredibly please with everything now. whoopeeeeee. bounces about. much love to old friend who went with me. haha.

oh if only all nights were like tonight (: i'd be one massively happy girl. hahaha. it was random, pretty nonsensical but just plain love. love to rach & cass.

i have my very own, sometimes adorable, sometimes cranky, sometimes snappy, white & red (cos she's so fair but keeps flushing) science geek. ahahaha.

'rubidium and water can blow up a BATHTUB!'

grumbles. irritating people. don't try to interpret my rantings/ravings/musings if you don't know me alright. GAH.

for the first time in a really long time. it felt like the team we were again. though we were missing mel & wanchee. and all of us were not competing. but to see pauline go up there and fight for her team like that. after all the fucked up shit she had to take. and to do a more than decent routine. i really must say i respect that girl. a great deal. everyone was in tears. haha. this is the rg tramp team fighting spirit. yeah they might be representing rj. but once a rg tramper, always a rg tramper. haha. and i'm super proud of all the girls who've come so far. the team spirit that mr teo somehow taught all of us never left. till this day, the trampers are still so close. kayli jie & i. mel, ziying & i. juee, huihui, wanchee & wenxin. until now we're all still so tight. its an amazing feeling. standing in the crowd, watching them jump. the feeling of jumping, of front pike half-turn jump backsomer half-turn-back-drop half-turn-up straddle half-turn-face-drop jump land. i did that routine once competitively only. and seeing so many girls do it time again and again. i don't know how to explain to others how that 25 seconds can mean so much. be so much to us. what we all went through to get that 25 seconds. rg b div 04 team meant the world to me. and till this day i'm still upset that i missed my bounce on the last jump. if only we could have gotten more. and then when it came to a div, i didn't give a fuck shit seriously. i didn't turn up for training, refused to train, refused to learn my brani. cause to me it wasn't a team. a team would not want to replace a teammate with someone outside e team just cos tt person outside the team could complete a routine despite never training. teo would never do that. i don't think i'll ever respect any coach the way i respect teo. then again i doubt i'll ever have a coach again -.- hahaha. unless i somehow manage to find a gymnasium in london that does trampoline. hmms, interesting thought. and i hate hypocritical ppl who slam tramp, but when get injured take tramp up cos that's e only thing they can do.

huge gym rant. haha. happy times gym trainings were (: twas love. plus i've got dinner with my b div team, ie ziying & my very noisy juniors who i adore to death. hahaha. until now when i hear 'lao da' i still react -.-

god i'm addicted to anime. WHYWHYWHY do i get more addictions e closer exams get. dieeee.

My yesterdays are all boxed up and neatly put away
Every now and then you come to mind
'Cause you were always waiting to be picked to play the game
But when your name was called, you found a place to hide
When you knew that I was always on your side

Well everything was easy then, so sweet and innocent
But my demons and my angels reappeared
Leavin' only traces of the man you thought I'd be
Too afraid to hear the words I'd always feared
Leavin' you with only questions all these years

But is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear
Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
Or are you left to wonder, all alone, eternally
This isn't how it's really meant to be
No it isn't how it's really meant to be

Well they say that love is in the air, never is it clear,
Try to pull it close and make it stay
Butterflies are free to fly, and so they fly away
And I'm left to carry on and wonder why
Even through it all, I'm always on your side

so many memories have been creeping back into the back of my mind. at least its creeping.. no longer gushing, forcing entry. partly maybe its been so long, years. or maybe i finally could let go, and just be happy with the lingering tastes. i actually haven't thought of many since i've been in london. which makes for a much lighter, happier & seemingly younger me. haha. i feel older, more grownup back here. maybe its the car. smirks.

awhile back i thought that trying to to stop the pain was to forget everything, never think of anything. but now that i've come to terms with alot of it, i realise that i will always treasure those times. the happiest week in cambridge. the warm, soothing year that wasn't filled with many spectacular things, but was love. the ups and downs of the five. haha.

you love, you live.

: always on your side :: sheryl crow & sting :
everytime i hear the lines about butterflies. i think of mel. and i want to talk to her. everyday, everynight.

hmms. i've been spending the past few days vegetating on my couch in front of my large lovely tv watching cable. i've been sleeping, eating, stoning, reading and everything on that couch. my dad happily proclaimed 'oh our very own couch potato has come back to reclaim her territory' -.- this is how bad i am. which makes for non-existent revision. plus today i was all sick & cramping, and hence very bitchy, cranky & grumpy.

i've been thinking of birthdays. seeing how many ppl birthdays have been going on recently. and i'm abit down i can't have the kind of birthday times i had with screw for so many years for the next few years. screw birthday celebrations are always the best (((: we'll find a way of doing the craziest, funniest, most random things for each other. there was my 16th belated birthday party. cos i couldn't celebrate it cos it was on o levels bio pract. they all came downstairs, telling me it was a simple get-together. and there was yee ler with e 4 of them. haha. i was like 0_0 i was so happy that night. haha. then that time we dressed up as boys for stef's 18th? i think it was 18th. we all proposed to her with our screw rings. ahaha. and then ming's recent midnight picnic. both of which we got very well acquainted with e areas' ants -.-

i want one of those little turning lanterns that you put in babies rooms, that has stars on the outside, so the whole room is filled with moving stars (:
i want a huge tree trunk, (with no living organisms) that i can hide in.
i want someone to leave a note left by my pillow, so i can wake up with a smile.
i want balls with slow dances. (somehow british don't really get the idea of a ball, or maybe its cos i have a romanticised idea of one)
i only want hellos. no goodbyes.

could i have this dance for the rest of my life

: could i have this dance :: anne murray :

[edit] there is way too much expensive, not-fantastic, not-awe-inspiring, copycat clothes going around. seriously. [jer will agree with me here cos we are fashion whores who pore over fashion magazines like reading a bible like that] i mean ok take juicy couture. some juicy couture things are cute. like their coats & dresses. but definitely not worth a few bloody thousand dollars ok -.- ANDANDAND their velour shit. ok i admit i own a pair of their velour trackpants (heh), but those were bought at sale & they're comfy and warm. but yeah i'd never spend a few hundred sing on em. plus its mighty gross when you wear the whole matching tracksuit thingy. ew. i mean if you ask me to spend thousands on chanel, ok larh :D hahaha. not like you can get much. but its the quality & the story & e lifestyle that you're buying into.

and the jersey thing. rachel pally, splendid, james perse & c&c cali were e original ones. and they're super good jersey btw, but even then only selected pieces. but now everywhere sprouting new jersey only clothing lines that charge a bomb per item -.- everyone also can make a kimono jersey dress ok. don't need to charge a million bucks. its like when you shop on revolveclothing. its a million and one unremarkable, identical dresses in every colour u can think of. you can't tell one designer from e other. what happened to individuality, to inspiration, to design?! its fucking commercialism i tell you. i HATE commercialism -.- grumbles. and then haute couture is dying out. what happens when karl lagerfeld, john galliano & christian lacroix dies?! bring back haute couture -.- just that everyone would have to wear potato sacks cos i don't think i'll ever be able to afford it. sighs. too many normal pleasant things in e world, and nothing wonderful anymore. bah. -pants- ok rant finish. wow rant very long 0_o ahaha. don't get me started on fashion ever. smirks. will go on forever. you will regret. ahah [/edit]

thanks screw :p much appreciated. hahahaha.

maybe i should stop saying thank you & sorrys so many times. to the point that i feel it they no longer have that effect, no longer are appreciated. maybe cos i always put myself there, ready & available that i feel so not appreciated. that when you ring me up demanding dinner, it just makes my day (: hahaha.

i need to lose alot weight so i can cut my hair -.-

been spending e past few days sleeping sleeping sleeping. its like i'm permanently so sleepy. i don't understand it really. i'm a person who doesn't really need alot of sleep, but if given e free time, i'd happily sleep it away. but the amount of sleep i'm doing is getting ridiculous. 17 hours in a day 0_o which results in not much work done. brilliant. i'm starting to freak about finals. BAD BAD BAD. and shib managed to tempt me into deathcab in london somemore just before exams. but its deathcab deathcabdeathcab!!! i think rachel's going to be jealous. heh.

i understand everyone's busy. everyone has their own lives wherever we are now. but it just really saddens me to be walking on such different paths now. its so funny how from the outside everyone always sees me as protecting you. because i do. but between the two of us, you're the one holding me up. when i'm tired, sad, crazy, you're always there to put things right. i've become so reliant on you, our lives so intertwined, so similar each step of the way.. that now we're on diverging paths, i feel the loss so acutely. i cannot go long periods without talking to you. and sometimes i feel so selfish cos it seems to be always me just yapping away nonstop. but you understand me at such a deep level. where you see all my weaknesses and frailties. you're like family already, but i seem to miss you more than i miss my family. and i hate not being able to talk to you everyday. its mighty fucked up. i'm just waiting for june to come. its too long away.

hello my friends (: a little favour here. sum me up in 1 or 3 word(s). tag it on my board, or comment on the post. a little social experiment. and i know who reads :p so if you don't write it i'll come after you. hahaha. thank you (:

i've settled into the monotonous life of a mugger. haha. which basically involves me not really seeing the sun, seeing as i sleep when the sun rises and wake when the sun sets. vampire rawwrrr. haha. but i like the serenity and peace of the night. something i don't get much in spore -.- only in london.

OHOHOH!!! GYM WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS 2009 IS IN LONDON!!! YAY ME :D

jay chou says it best (: 放下会走更远. so i 放

there's seriously something to be said about nationality. majority of russian, romanian & chinese gymnasts are lithe, slender & graceful. while if you look at the americans, australians & brits, they're all stocky, muscular & definitely lacking that dance capability. even nastia liukin, she's american, but russian born. and look at the difference between her and shawn johnson. sheesh.

i'm all reading for the beijing olympics gymnastics :D its going to be an absolute blast.



i am loving anastasia liukin (((: ahaha. BARS BARS BARS! and this: omg 0_0 she has a grace & flair that american gymnasts always lack. not usually a big fan of americans gymnasts. shrugs.



ohooh. there's one thing i can't stand, the american gymnasts' tuck position in their somers -.- can't they just keep their knees together. i know it makes you turn faster, and that's understandable for a double front, but when u do back somers? the chinese, romanians and russians all can do it. grumbles.

and abit of rhythmic gym (: haha. anna bessonova. she's bloody gorgeous.



if only i could be as thin and flexible as her. sighs. haha, there's a facebook grp, '15 reasons why you should date a dancer'.. flexibility is one. smirks.

[edit] i know i have so much so much to be thankful for. but sometimes, jealousy and envy just rears up. and i get angry at myself. for being weak. i don't like this very much. ARGHS! [/edit]

with honesty comes relief and release. the knot's untied, and i'm feeling good. but let's just say it wasn't easy reaching here, and i haven't been seeing many good things lately. and i just need to go somewhere that's beautiful and awe-inspiring, that will allow me to believe there's some good in this world again. santorini with hongmin is looking to be the place. there's just something i love about sunsets. and it seems to be the no1. place to see sunsets (:

had a entry. was too personal, private and disturbing i think. shrugs.

perverse is the word.

i wish for some oblivion.

happy thing of the day: i've got at least 3 darlings coming to london at e end of e yr (: goldfish, viola & sonya. yay!

[edit] hmms. women who love women was pretty interesting. in the sense that you got to know the story of 3 different lesbians in spore. the whole growing up process. but i just felt that they missed something on the emotional aspect.. its like when i read m&a, those deep emotions that lesley said in a2s4 was missing. its not that i expect identical emotions to have happened to all 3 women, and i know m&a is a play, and hence might be exaggerated. but the women just talked about themselves coming to terms with their sexuality, but like you need two hands to clap, it felt like the significant others were left out? it felt like everytime they got nearer to the conversation of the actual current/past relationships or gfs, my ears perked up, but only to be disappointed. i think what the public need to see is the strength/existence of feelings & emotions between lesbians. same like as any other relationship. if only to get the public to understand & accept them better. shrugs. i feel like a gay activist. hmms. interesting what a play does to you. haha. like mervyn said, i could connect to the play at a level i would never have before.

i miss lesley/jenn actually.

unnecessary. absolutely unnecessary.[/edit]

i feel like some appreciation is due. haha. i'm going to settle down to study soon. time to banish all non-relevant thoughts and think about law -.- but before that. somethings i just have to get off my chest that i feel should be said.

screw: for listening, though you guys might not understand what the shit i'm babbling about sometimes. for the happiest moments, for the love, for the support, for making me laugh unlike anyone else can, for always believing in me. you guys are my world.
old friend: i'm not quite comfortable with putting your name here, but i know you don't read this much either. haha. you mean a great deal to me old friend. thank you for listening, no matter at what god-forsaken time, telling me to wake up, giving it to me straight, and taking care of me in your odd manner.
cuiyin: for understanding my ching chings (: making me laugh. never thought this could happen, but i'm glad it did. for peeling me like an onion, and everything. i can't wait to get back to london :p haha. then my phonecalls to you will be bloody free -.-
hongmin: for always being so protective of me. for being my jie mei. for going on our ridiculous shopping trips, eating sprees and gambling madness (: you are my partner in sin. i love. haha.
jer: for re-affirming who i am. for telling me what i needed to hear. for showing your faith in me and loving me (: i love you mucho jer, and i miss you dearly! i will be princess forever. ahahaha.
ashraf: for your songs, talks, concern and everything. esp pooh (((:
angie: for being my sunshine. for giving me hope. for telling things to me straight. and alot alot of love. i heart i heart i heart. ahaha.
suefaye & ziying: for always being so happy, that i can't feel down when i'm around you the two of you. for the ice-cream and everything that's good (:
tk: for your honesty

i'm really looking forward to italy & santorini. but these exams gotta end first damnit. i haven't started studying and i want exams to end alr -.- brilliant.

i was never one to only have one option. but this time, i'm happy to be option-less. cos though there is one option waiting for me, its meant for the future. and i hope it'll be a good future. hahaha.

it's really quite odd. everything i've done. not the fact that i've done all that, but rather the fact that it was all for.. plus i do not expect anything back, though usually i do get something in return, be it time, material possessions or companionship. just that it usually takes awhile -.- ahahaha. it scares me abit. cos i can so see myself in the exact same situation 10, 20 years down the road. hmms.

unquestioning faith, unflinching honesty and complete acceptance makes for a wonderful time (:

lardeedum. i want to buy more dresses! i love talking ching chings & cryptic shit. grins.

this ridiculous amount of blogging happens when you have to study and you don't want to study. when you have many random little pockets of thoughts floating around. when you're feeling very detached from everything that you can't link things together, and you thus have to deal with each thing separately. and i wonder why i'm talking in the second person. hmms.

so much ching ching, so little time, so few free people. hahaha.

i need some greys loving seriously. haha. i want a grey's anatomy marathon after my exams. hehee. angie & chongs will definitely be there.

from greys: i like (:
Maybe we accept the dream has become a nightmare. We tell ourselves that reality is better. We convince ourselves it's better that we never dream at all. But, the strongest of us, the most determined of us, holds on to the dream or we find ourselves faced with a fresh dream we never considered. We wake to find ourselves, against all odds, feeling hopeful. And, if we're lucky, we realize in the face of everything, in the face of life the true dream is being able to dream at all.

this comes out of avoiding the books. bloody hell larh seto! you influence me. grumbles. but watch this (((: last year tramp world finals. ahaha. all the times when mel & i used to jump opposite each other in henry park. how i miss my tramp days. jumping the other day at thorpe park felt so good. to be free like that. sighs.



when i hear 15 yr olds singing like this 0_o then i think of how we were singing e other night. ahahaha.

i miss the competition atmosphere. being with your teammates. being part of the competition. its something only fellow competitors of the same sport can understand. the bell ring. the trampoline. the warm up. the poses. (((: i'm missing all that desperately. sighs.

why are the communist/ex-communist country gymnasts only so slim, lithe and more graceful than the others -.- hahaha. me love russia, romania & china (((:

i didn't want to blog about this for awhile, just kept it special in my heart (: our midnight picnic at the botanical gardens was magical (((: despite the monstrous ants, stupid joggers and bloody heat. it was pure love. haha. just sitting there, screaming songs out at the top of our lungs, eating good food, talking about people and times. made everything in the world just go away.

when you hold my hand
i understand
the magic that you do
you're my dream come true
my one and only you

god my phone is filled with horrible warblings. AHAHAHA. something to keep me happy and warm when i go back in london. though i have a feeling if other ppl hear they'd think ppl killing chickens and pigs in my room -.-

i have no regrets. i'm just glad that i made it this far. a fullstop to end things all. i like fullstops. gives definition to things. lets you end something, so that you can start something new (:

its been pouring and thundering the whole day. or so my maid says :p hahaha, seeing as how i just woke up (6pm). but it was good sleep. good, dreamless, uninterrupted sleep. slept everything away. haven't been able to sleep much lately. jetlag, too much thinking, too many late nights equals to that. plus too many darn early morning meetings. grumbles. anyway, i'm liking the weather (: all grey, wet, dreary & gloomy. i hate sunshine -.- bah. plus it reminds me of london. and i get to watch the rain coming down from so many parts of my house. i like i like.

all i want are ppl who understand my CHING CHING. ahahahaha (;

i seriously feel like throwing up from eating so much. this is mother disgusting.



AHAHAHA. ashraf & marcus showed me this damn long time ago. i think this trumps your 'ken lee' cass :p wayyy trumps. bloody hilarious. i laugh until want to die. there's quite a few more like these on youtube actually. hehe.

happy belated birthday yangqi (((:

my head's pounding. i'm sleepy. i think i might just go crash now. i'm supposed to start studying alr damnit -.-

twas nice going back to the rj dance studio (: sitting among my dancers. how i miss those dancing days.

oh just shoot me already why don't you.

i believe in hope
i have no regrets
i'm just glad that i made it this far

i see you
when i close my eyes
i hear you
inside my head
when we're apart
i feel you in my heart
i can't wait
till we meet again
so hold me now
and don't let me go
i wanna be there with you
and hold you close
please stay with me
i'll make you smile
give me a chance
our time is now
oh can't you see me
in your dreams
everynight i hear you calling for me
your voice fills my heart
i can't let you go

finding these songs in my desktop after all these yrs. haha. feels like a lifetime ago. how things have changed. hmms. though i must say declan's voice is still ((: